Thursday, November 30, 2006
the truth behind the nazca lines
In the year 5632 scientists at New Jersey's Princeton University made two great discoveries that combined would forever shape the past. The first, by five weeks, was the fruit of the womb of that university's physics department - the backward forward time machine. In its earliest manifestation, the forward only machine, by 5632 some 3000 years old, allowed its users to gain several years by means of long space journeys at high velocity. Because of the the trips took so long, the machine never really caught on, except with the excessively vain. Backward time travel, invented in the late 2700s was equally lacking in popularity, since it stranded its users in the past, which would have been bad enough if the past of 5632 was the same as that of 5361, which it wasn't, since it had yet to benefit from the second great discovery of that prolific year: the practical joke.
The practical joke was discovered one afternoon in the laboratories of Princeton University's chemistry department when a careless researcher by the name of Tanya Rette slipped, shattering the test tubes she was carrying. Gasping for air, she inhaled the vapors of the mixture of chemicals on the floor. Minutes later, she was inspired to make the first practical joke in the history of the world of 5362. She laid out a banana skin from her uneaten lunch in the middle of the laboratory and waited for her coworker Olive Cola to walk in. Which she did. And she slipped on the carefully placed banana peel, much to the delight of Tanya Rette. Olive, at first, couldn't understand what had happened, and when she saw her friend of 17 years was laughing uncontrollably she was furious. She remained so until a few minutes after Tanya Rette had convinced her to breathe in the spilled mess on the floor, when she became only the second person in history to get a practical joke.
Meanwhile, in Princeton University's archeology department, nothing was happening. Nine of the world's most highly educated people were sitting in their offices, simply waiting. Since people had lived, up until 5362, such simple, uncomplicated lives governed only by rationality, very much the same way they did in 5632 in fact, there was very little for archaeologists to do. The mysteries of ancient people simply did not exit. The discipline had been invented by bored historians hoping that if they looked underground, something would emerge to challenge their capacity to explain. Nothing did. The archaeologists at Princeton still had jobs because the university thought it would keep them around, just in case. They didn't teach, research, or write; they just waited. The same was true of the history, sociology, anthropology, economics, and psychology departments; all the social scientists, in fact, were simply on hold.
This situation greatly irritated the university's scientists, who taught, researched, and wrote, as much as 16 hours a day. Olive and and Tanya were certainly no exceptions. With their new found sense of humor, they went straight to the abandoned part of campus reserve red for the idle social scientists. They spent the remainder of the day inventing a series of practical jokes that are considered the classics today. They pulled fire alarms when there was no fire, they knocked on doors and ran away, they tied shoelaces together, and glued pens to desks, they balanced buckets of water on door frames, and so on. By nightfall they were exhausted.
Soon enough, they conceived of a plan that would finally give the archaeologists something to do, and would, in the process, forever change the past. They soaked a towel in the chemical spill and broke into the physics department, heading straight for the time machine. They set the controls for the pacific coast of South America for exactly 5000 years earlier, the year 362. When they arrived, they found the Nazca people, living quite, orderly, and completely rational lives, just as the archaeologists had described. Seeing the giant rocky desert at the feet of the equally rocky hills Tanya and Olive realized that they could use the land as a canvas to create a completely meaningless pattern that would baffle researchers for centuries to come. Taking their towel to the first house they came to, they explained their plan to the people living there. At first, they were unenthusiastic: "why would we do that" they asked, "we are perfectly happy as we are." The Nazca people remained obstinate until a few minutes after Olive convinced them to inhale the scent on their towel, at which point they became the first people in the chronological history of the world to get a practical joke.
After a few days, enough people had been convinced to start work. Three weeks later, the desert floor was covered with an incomprehensible web of lines, shapes, and doodles representing animals, symbols, and anachronisms, like the famous Nazca Astronaut. Thrilled by the work, Olive and Tanya traveled all over the prehistoric world, convincing people to build and build, just for the sake of confusing future archaeologists. The direct products of their trip include Stonehenge, the pyramids of Mexico and Egypt, Great Zimbabwe, and so on. No part of the world escaped their mischief. They were so successful, that once they left each place the people continued playing pranks of the future social scientists. This initial fervour saw the creation of the family, the great world religions, government, art, sports, and cities. After a few generations however, people forgot all about the future archaeologists, but they never lost their habit of pulling large scale practical jokes. In the following era, known today as the pre-academic era, people invented all sorts of inexplicables, simply out of habit: clothing, inequality, fiction, violence, slavery, and so on.
The pre-academic era ended in the mid 1800s with the creation (another unknowing practical joke) of the social sciences. First came the historians, dedicated to finding out what had already happened. Soon, some though it would be easier to to find out what was actually going on, thus sociology, political science, anthropology and all the rest came to be. Finally, there was a group who thought the answers could be found by examining the oldest stuff around, the archaeologists. By the 22nd century they had all become quite good at what they did, and knew the 'whos' 'whats' 'wheres' 'whens' and 'hows' of almost everything. But the 'why' always eluded them. They trained an enormous group of people, called journalists, to write down everything that happened, this time for the benefit of future historians. But by then it was too late. The practice of doing things because of the habit of pracital jokes (on whom, no one would ever remember) was out of control. By the year 2000 for instance, people had invented all sorts of absurdities: weapons powerful enough to destroy the planet (more than once!), abstract art, music no one actually liked...people submitted themselves to the will of people of one particular skin tone, they walked about on the moon, they killed and died for all sorts of mythologies, they made products just to throw them away and so on.
So, by the year 5633, the social scientists were overwhelmed. Just one year after Olive and Tanya's great journey, they were the jealous ones, suffering from the unanswerable question 'why'. Those in the chemistry, physics, and engineering departments meanwhile dealt with 'hows'. How to build a taller building, how to make more powerful explosions, how to grow healthier foods, and so on, themselves having forgotten all they were doing was making more practical jokes for the future's archaeologists.
The practical joke was discovered one afternoon in the laboratories of Princeton University's chemistry department when a careless researcher by the name of Tanya Rette slipped, shattering the test tubes she was carrying. Gasping for air, she inhaled the vapors of the mixture of chemicals on the floor. Minutes later, she was inspired to make the first practical joke in the history of the world of 5362. She laid out a banana skin from her uneaten lunch in the middle of the laboratory and waited for her coworker Olive Cola to walk in. Which she did. And she slipped on the carefully placed banana peel, much to the delight of Tanya Rette. Olive, at first, couldn't understand what had happened, and when she saw her friend of 17 years was laughing uncontrollably she was furious. She remained so until a few minutes after Tanya Rette had convinced her to breathe in the spilled mess on the floor, when she became only the second person in history to get a practical joke.
Meanwhile, in Princeton University's archeology department, nothing was happening. Nine of the world's most highly educated people were sitting in their offices, simply waiting. Since people had lived, up until 5362, such simple, uncomplicated lives governed only by rationality, very much the same way they did in 5632 in fact, there was very little for archaeologists to do. The mysteries of ancient people simply did not exit. The discipline had been invented by bored historians hoping that if they looked underground, something would emerge to challenge their capacity to explain. Nothing did. The archaeologists at Princeton still had jobs because the university thought it would keep them around, just in case. They didn't teach, research, or write; they just waited. The same was true of the history, sociology, anthropology, economics, and psychology departments; all the social scientists, in fact, were simply on hold.
This situation greatly irritated the university's scientists, who taught, researched, and wrote, as much as 16 hours a day. Olive and and Tanya were certainly no exceptions. With their new found sense of humor, they went straight to the abandoned part of campus reserve red for the idle social scientists. They spent the remainder of the day inventing a series of practical jokes that are considered the classics today. They pulled fire alarms when there was no fire, they knocked on doors and ran away, they tied shoelaces together, and glued pens to desks, they balanced buckets of water on door frames, and so on. By nightfall they were exhausted.
Soon enough, they conceived of a plan that would finally give the archaeologists something to do, and would, in the process, forever change the past. They soaked a towel in the chemical spill and broke into the physics department, heading straight for the time machine. They set the controls for the pacific coast of South America for exactly 5000 years earlier, the year 362. When they arrived, they found the Nazca people, living quite, orderly, and completely rational lives, just as the archaeologists had described. Seeing the giant rocky desert at the feet of the equally rocky hills Tanya and Olive realized that they could use the land as a canvas to create a completely meaningless pattern that would baffle researchers for centuries to come. Taking their towel to the first house they came to, they explained their plan to the people living there. At first, they were unenthusiastic: "why would we do that" they asked, "we are perfectly happy as we are." The Nazca people remained obstinate until a few minutes after Olive convinced them to inhale the scent on their towel, at which point they became the first people in the chronological history of the world to get a practical joke.
After a few days, enough people had been convinced to start work. Three weeks later, the desert floor was covered with an incomprehensible web of lines, shapes, and doodles representing animals, symbols, and anachronisms, like the famous Nazca Astronaut. Thrilled by the work, Olive and Tanya traveled all over the prehistoric world, convincing people to build and build, just for the sake of confusing future archaeologists. The direct products of their trip include Stonehenge, the pyramids of Mexico and Egypt, Great Zimbabwe, and so on. No part of the world escaped their mischief. They were so successful, that once they left each place the people continued playing pranks of the future social scientists. This initial fervour saw the creation of the family, the great world religions, government, art, sports, and cities. After a few generations however, people forgot all about the future archaeologists, but they never lost their habit of pulling large scale practical jokes. In the following era, known today as the pre-academic era, people invented all sorts of inexplicables, simply out of habit: clothing, inequality, fiction, violence, slavery, and so on.
The pre-academic era ended in the mid 1800s with the creation (another unknowing practical joke) of the social sciences. First came the historians, dedicated to finding out what had already happened. Soon, some though it would be easier to to find out what was actually going on, thus sociology, political science, anthropology and all the rest came to be. Finally, there was a group who thought the answers could be found by examining the oldest stuff around, the archaeologists. By the 22nd century they had all become quite good at what they did, and knew the 'whos' 'whats' 'wheres' 'whens' and 'hows' of almost everything. But the 'why' always eluded them. They trained an enormous group of people, called journalists, to write down everything that happened, this time for the benefit of future historians. But by then it was too late. The practice of doing things because of the habit of pracital jokes (on whom, no one would ever remember) was out of control. By the year 2000 for instance, people had invented all sorts of absurdities: weapons powerful enough to destroy the planet (more than once!), abstract art, music no one actually liked...people submitted themselves to the will of people of one particular skin tone, they walked about on the moon, they killed and died for all sorts of mythologies, they made products just to throw them away and so on.
So, by the year 5633, the social scientists were overwhelmed. Just one year after Olive and Tanya's great journey, they were the jealous ones, suffering from the unanswerable question 'why'. Those in the chemistry, physics, and engineering departments meanwhile dealt with 'hows'. How to build a taller building, how to make more powerful explosions, how to grow healthier foods, and so on, themselves having forgotten all they were doing was making more practical jokes for the future's archaeologists.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
dear andean dogs,
take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.
ok? thanks.
why can't you be more like your highland neighbor the noble donkey, who is happy to eat grass and lean against things all day.
jacob
ok? thanks.
why can't you be more like your highland neighbor the noble donkey, who is happy to eat grass and lean against things all day.
jacob
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
and we sailed, the 7 seas
in a boat called el poseidon:
stopping at 12 or so of the craziest looking islands on earth, las islas galapagos:
we went ashore to look for animals, and our naturalist guide john explained all sorts of facts about them, it felt like living on the discovery channel. we spent a lot of time snorkelling also, my new 4th favorite sport...
coruna del diablo, really strong currents, but tons of fish for snortkeling
shark!!!
sting ray!!!
fact: sea turtles sleep underwater, they can stay under for 6 hours without air
fact: giant tortoises never stop growing up
fact: when a giant tortoise egg is hatched the sex isnt predetermined, it is based on hormones released as it develops, in the cold more female hormones are released and more male ones in the hot...so, all the boy giant tortoises have their birthday parties in the summer, and the girls in the winter, or something.
doin it and doin it and doin it wow
fact: boobies lay 2 eggs per season, but usually on one survives. if the chick leaves the nest the mother no longer feeds it, so the two chicks start doing some sumo type wrestling and usually the stronger one pushes the weaker one out, so it starves to death. good think we're not boobies, huh josh?
fact: an albatross wil fly all the way to peru like its no big deal
fact: marine iguanas eat seaweed, but they cant digest it, so they sit on the rocks using their bodies as little ovens to heat up the food and then they can digest it
fact: frigate birds dont fish, they just steal from the boobies. males inflate the red pouch on their necks to attract females during mating season...the males with the best nesting positions win.
fact: blue footed boobies are super proud of their blue feet (duh) so they do a little dance before mating to show them off.
MORE PHOTOS HERE
so, galapagos is pretty crazy, luckily it seems like its being well preserved. the majority of the islands are out of bounds to all but scientists (who have to dress up like charles darwin to get in)...hopefully it doesnt become a caribean style cruise destination...as all those trampeling human feet wouldnt be the best thing ever. i recomend kurt vonnegut's guide to the galapagos for 1) basic factual information about animals and 2) more factual observations about the mayhem being caused by humans and our big brains.
stopping at 12 or so of the craziest looking islands on earth, las islas galapagos:
we went ashore to look for animals, and our naturalist guide john explained all sorts of facts about them, it felt like living on the discovery channel. we spent a lot of time snorkelling also, my new 4th favorite sport...
coruna del diablo, really strong currents, but tons of fish for snortkeling
shark!!!
sting ray!!!
fact: sea turtles sleep underwater, they can stay under for 6 hours without air
fact: giant tortoises never stop growing up
fact: when a giant tortoise egg is hatched the sex isnt predetermined, it is based on hormones released as it develops, in the cold more female hormones are released and more male ones in the hot...so, all the boy giant tortoises have their birthday parties in the summer, and the girls in the winter, or something.
doin it and doin it and doin it wow
fact: boobies lay 2 eggs per season, but usually on one survives. if the chick leaves the nest the mother no longer feeds it, so the two chicks start doing some sumo type wrestling and usually the stronger one pushes the weaker one out, so it starves to death. good think we're not boobies, huh josh?
fact: an albatross wil fly all the way to peru like its no big deal
fact: marine iguanas eat seaweed, but they cant digest it, so they sit on the rocks using their bodies as little ovens to heat up the food and then they can digest it
fact: frigate birds dont fish, they just steal from the boobies. males inflate the red pouch on their necks to attract females during mating season...the males with the best nesting positions win.
fact: blue footed boobies are super proud of their blue feet (duh) so they do a little dance before mating to show them off.
MORE PHOTOS HERE
so, galapagos is pretty crazy, luckily it seems like its being well preserved. the majority of the islands are out of bounds to all but scientists (who have to dress up like charles darwin to get in)...hopefully it doesnt become a caribean style cruise destination...as all those trampeling human feet wouldnt be the best thing ever. i recomend kurt vonnegut's guide to the galapagos for 1) basic factual information about animals and 2) more factual observations about the mayhem being caused by humans and our big brains.
Labels: blue footed boobies, galapagos, turtles
Monday, November 06, 2006
Da beach is dat way---->
Atacames is where the Ecuadorian working class goes for long beach weekends. This weekend (2 days holiday for all saints day/day of the dead) was no exception, and the town was packed with national tourists hanging out, drinking, dancing, fighting, swiming, tanning etc. The beach was pretty, a slow bay with hills and cliffs to either side, and crowded. From 7am (i arrived at 6 on a nightbus from quito) on it was filled with football games, people laying around, and vendors. The vendors walked up and down the beach selling all sorts of stuff: coconut juice, horrible art, pants, fruit salads, towels, mats, coconut oil for tanning (the inevitably afroecuadorian salesmen invetiably made the joke that it would turn my skin as dark as theirs - somehow the spanish word for unlikely failed me all weekend). The water was a good temperature and the waves were ok for bodysurfing. As well as the vendors, the beach was full of mobile seafood restaurants (cevicherias) built on converted bike. Basically, a bikes front wheel was removed, preplaced with 2 set about a yard apart, with a table, shelf, counter, and overhang built onto it that served as the kitchen and table for the resaurant (see picture below). The food all over town was mostly seafood and damn good. Shrimps with rice, in cebivice (a kind of lime soup in which the acidity of lime 'cooks' the shrimp), and in a delicous coconut sauce that was like a mild creamy thai curry, aparently a dish thats part of the afroecuadorian tradition. The coast is where most of Ecuador's african population lives, and its a culture that gets little attention in the national scheme of things but seems pretty interesting (i picked up a book in one of quito's nerdy bookshops to see what its all about). The nightlife was coctails and salsa, but it was a scene that martin parr would have relished; tacky and overthe top were the adjectives that came to mind. So, while i normally prefer quiter beaches (or mountains) this was an interesting weekend from a least a sociological perspective; if goethe's notion that people at leisure are at their most authentic holds water, then the Quiteno and Guayaquileno vaccacioners in Atacames need a good deal of analysis.
there was a big canopy in which about 20 small ceviceria's were located, these are 2 of them.
one of the mobile beach cevicheria's: cevicheria jose
ice cream man/boogie board rentals
beach football
this man walked around town singing songs (a lot like trindidadian calypso) that were really good, he had a voice like leadbelly and walter ferguson combined
5pm
there was a big canopy in which about 20 small ceviceria's were located, these are 2 of them.
one of the mobile beach cevicheria's: cevicheria jose
ice cream man/boogie board rentals
beach football
this man walked around town singing songs (a lot like trindidadian calypso) that were really good, he had a voice like leadbelly and walter ferguson combined
5pm
